I drank a lot yesterday and (naturally) didn’t sleep well. I woke up around 3 feeling very anxious. Alcohol does that to me, I get anxious the next day / during the night. It took a while before I realised that while it helps a little with anxiety during drinking, it backfires too. I get more anxious afterwards. Or perhaps it just feels worse.
Today marks the first day of my dry run and part of me wants to have started already. I discussed it with a friend and she suggested just to see how it goes. If I want to keep going, even during the family-dinner, I should do that. If not, no hard feelings, I’ll stick to the original plan. I like that idea, I don’t need more reasons to beat myself up for.
While awake and anxious I thought about how I used to drink more for bad reasons. I tried to numb the anxiety a lot more, woke up with headaches and feeling crap, tried to numb the sadness. Lately (the last year or so) I have not done that (yay me!) but I do still think I need to at least take a break. Reinvent myself or something.
I don’t know, I guess it just doesn’t work for me like it used to. Time for a change.
Alice Authentic 