I did drink last night, like I do pretty much every night, however, I drank less. Deliberately. I got slightly annoyed at the second to last glass because of not having more, but when I finished, I didn’t really care that much. But it’s exactly for that annoyance that I need to quit (still not saying forever). I shouldn’t feel this way about drinking. I don’t like it.
I struggle a bit with where I fall on ‘the scale’, if such thing even exists (pretty sure it does, and pretty sure it doesn’t matter that much, but as mentioned before, I overthink everything). I think I’m not ‘that bad’ but not in a good place either. Which amuses me a little, mentally I feel in a much better place (general) than a few years or even just a few months ago. For some strange reason I started feeling better about myself, sort of liking myself even (crazy woman!). Despite all the drinking. And that scares me a little (actually, a lot), imagine how great I could be without…
I do think that if I continue drinking like this it’ll go bad (again). Lately I have not been drinking to drown out my thoughts / myself as much. Mostly just because that is what I do. And I don’t enjoy it as much anymore…
I don’t wake up feeling guilty (much) or even hungover, though I do get sluggish the next day, especially in the morning. Not sure if that counts as ‘hungover’. I don’t get headaches, nausea whatnot. I don’t intent to drink myself to oblivion anymore.
That’s all fun and good and such, but it could be better. And I want better. A better me.
Alice Authentic 